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 PrintableVersion DivorceCareInterview with Merrily RichieEN talked to Merrily Richie of DivorceCare, an initiative to train local churches to help people in marital trauma. Q: When did you become a Christian?A: I was nine years old when I realised that because of my sin I needed Jesus to be my Saviour. I don't remember much about this decision since it occurred more than 40 years ago. My pastor talked and prayed with me after a worship service in our Reformed Presbyterian church. By God's grace I grew to know God better until my late 20s when I began a long rebellion time of almost ten years. During this time, my heart was cold towards the Lord. I went through two divorces and several other unhealthy relationships until I realised I was at the bottom of a pit of despair, not knowing right from wrong. The Holy Spirit had got my attention and was drawing me back on the tether he had had me on all the time. I had let him go, but he still had me securely in his hand. Q: How did God prepare you for your ministry? A: In many ways, God's providence is amazing. My parents' marriage was a troubled one as long as I can remember. They divorced when I was in my first year of university (a Christian college). I married at 23 with no pre-marital counselling and a poor idea of marriage and love. Four years later, I left my husband on unbiblical grounds and did the wrong thing by going into another relationship. Of course, it didn't last and was followed by another unhealthy relationship and a second marriage of five years' duration. This time I was the one who was left and very suddenly so. Once I came out of my rebellion and began to grow closer to the Lord, I slowly learned lessons from all these things. It wasn't until I went to Australia in 1990 on a two-month mission trip and helped with two seminars for an organisation called Fresh Start that I made significant progress in learning about relationships, God's view of divorce, marriage, love and many other issues. (Fresh Start began in the US in 1980 and conducts weekend seminars from a Christian perspective for divorced and separated people.) The next big preparation time came when I returned to Australia for two years. I didn't go to serve as the National Director of Fresh Start, but that's what the Lord had me doing for a bit more than three years. Having been a maths teacher for many years up to this time, he had me doing all sorts of things I had never done before. He helped me learn how to plan seminars, organise support groups, speak at seminars and so on. When it was time to go back to the US, I realised that I wanted to continue serving the Lord in divorce recovery instead of returning to the classroom. I learned of the large need for this type of ministry in the UK. I applied and was accepted by my mission board in a co-operative agreement with Fresh Start. I came to London this past January as soon as the Lord supplied my support. My mission board is Mission to the World, the mission agency for the Presbyterian Church in America. Q: How did DivorceCare get started?A: A Fresh Start weekend seminar is usually a huge boost in the healing process for a separated or divorced person. However, the support, information, spiritual challenge and friendship needs to be ongoing. It takes at least two years to recover from a divorce. A biblically-based support group can help in this. About four years ago, Steve Grissom and his wife knew this need from having experienced divorce, and developed the 13 videos, a leader's manual and participants' workbook that make up the DivorceCare programme. In God's providence, Steve's career had been in TV, both in front and behind the camera. Q: How did you get involved with DivorceCare?A: When I returned from Australia in 1994, I learned about DivorceCare and found it to be excellent material for support groups. Up to then, I had nothing to offer to churches except the fact that they needed a group for people, either before or after they attended a Fresh Start seminar. As I visited churches in the US to let them know of my ministry and its needs, I also encouraged them to get a support group started using Divorce Care. Q: What are some of the distinctions of DivorceCare? A: It is a church-equipping programme - enabling mostly lay people to minister to the divorced and separated. The support group meetings have two parts: instruction from the video tapes followed by small group discussion of prepared questions. The videos are produced in an interesting television magazine format. Christian psychologists, counsellors and pastors who are experts in the field of divorce recovery are interviewed on the tapes. The tapes are interspersed with comments from people who have been part of a DivorceCare group. They talk about their pain, healing process and how the Lord and the group has helped them. The training needed by the small group discussion leader can be done in an evening. The jobs of these Christians are to keep the discussion on target and encourage the participants to talk. A video is provided to help a church select and train the leaders. The participants of the group have a notebook. It includes note-taking sections for each session, an optional daily Bible study and several pages explaining how to have a personal relationship with Christ. DivorceCare is a link between the church and its community as a good balance between evangelism and practical help. I have talked with a number of people who have become Christians as a result of hearing the gospel at a Fresh Start seminar or in a DivorceCare support group. The material is appropriate for men and women no matter where they are spiritually or how long they have been divorced or separated. It is also helpful for people who have pretended they were married by living together. There is a complete leader's manual, including publicity material. People are welcome to join the group at any time. The videos can be shown two or three times in a year because the participants will learn new things being in a different place in their healing and some will be seeing them for the first time. Q: Is DivorceCare designed to replace counselling?A: No, people going through a marriage break-up need professional Christian counselling, support of friends and family, and spiritual growth and guidance from their church leadership. A support group complements and removes some of the burden of these ministries, but does not eliminate them. Q: What happens during the weeks in between the showing of the videos? A: The leaders could take turns preparing material as 'lessons' and discussing questions on topics related to divorce recovery. The leaders would not have to start from scratch because there are many helpful books published by Fresh Start. The topics could be determined partially by feedback from the group. There could be a few social occasions, especially ones that integrate the congregation with the support group. Q: Does this material encourage divorce?A: Absolutely not. It encourages the hard work of reconciliation whenever it is possible. Q: What do you do about people who attend a group in order to find a new partner? A: The leader needs to make it clear from the start, and repeat it often, that the purpose of the support group is not to find a new partner. The last thing they need is another romantic involvement. They need to wait until they are healed from the previous relationship, which could take at least two years. Q: What comments have been made by participants about DivorceCare? A: 'It helped me understand my anger and loneliness.' 'It has given me something to look forward to each week.' 'They [the videos] are realistic, honest and consistent in stressing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as the source for healing.' 'Offered support and hope that there is life after divorce.' 'DivorceCare has been a great comfort to me and has helped me deal with my feelings in a more positive way.' For further details: http://www.divorcecare.com© Evangelicals Now - September 1997 |
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