Making the bitter sweet

The Lord Jesus tells us that Christians should forgive those who 'trespass against us'. This is not always easy, but obeying the Lord's command leads to blessing . . .

I was born in Belgium, the last of eight children. That seems a big family these days. At my birth my Mum was very ill and she was not able to look after me. So my sisters took care of me.

When Mum was better we went back to the Belgian Congo in Africa where my father was working. He was employed by the Belgian government as an adviser in agriculture, fish farming, growing cotton, etc., so we often travelled from place to place.

In the early 1960s civil war broke out in the Congo. At that time two of my brothers and I were the only children with my parents out there. The war was pretty grim. I can remember seeing people being killed in our garden, bullets were flying everywhere in the house and all the windows were smashed. Once we thought that the soldiers were coming to kill my Dad. It was extremely frightening for a little girl.

Nervous breakdown

The bloodshed and violence deeply affected me psychologically and when we succeeded in returning to Belgium I was a real mess. I had a nervous breakdown. I was five years old. I could not see anyone wearing a uniform or a black person without screaming: 'He's going to kill me!' I couldn't see the sight of blood without being sick, shaking and crying. Sadly, my sisters and brothers took great pleasure in scaring me by locking me in a dank cellar at home and putting red paint on my arms and saying that I was bleeding. I also had difficulties at school from my teacher. This was because we were Protestant and colonials.

As you can imagine, my life was taken over by fear. Everything made me fearful and upset. I felt I always had to do the right things for my brothers and sisters and Mum and Dad. I was scared of what they might say or do to me. If one of my sisters was angry with one brother then I was too! I just wanted to be accepted by them. All my life (praise God, I am different now) I was trying to please others just to make myself feel better and accepted.

Christianity

I became a Christian at the age of 14 and was baptised when I was 18 years old. I struggled a lot because I didn't really understand that God loves me so much, and that I didn't have to do anything to receive his forgiveness. Things were not easy and church life was not what it should have been. Again I started to make sure that people would be pleased with me. It was a great bondage and burden. Then, one time, I realised that 'enough is enough'. People in the church had hurt me and my family too. So I left that church and went to the International Baptist Church in Brussels, which was great. Soon after this I met Eddy, we soon married and moved to England.

Eddy was wonderful. He had enormous patience with me (and still has!). I was still struggling very much. I could not be left by myself on a bus or a train. I panicked when I saw the inspector in uniform who came to check the tickets. But still, Eddy was there with me.

Finding peace

One day when I was reading my Bible using Bible notes, the commentary said that there is no peace if you do not forgive. It said that Jesus died on that horrible cross for me and Jesus had forgiven me. I knew this before, but somehow this now troubled me a lot. I was in a dark tunnel full of fear, anger and bitterness and I was longing to see the light.

I realised that the only way was to surrender my whole life without reserve to Jesus, and repent of taking more notice of what others thought than of what God thought. I asked him to help me forgive all who hurt me, and help me carry on forgiving people too. Jesus says you must forgive 70 x 7 times (Matthew 18.22, see NIV footnote). It is a figure of speech telling us that we all have to forgive all the time and pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5.44).

I learned to give my life to Jesus in a new way and forgive people. When this happened an enormous joy and peace started slowly to grow inside me. It was not radical as in some people, but a very slow process. Now I can truly say I have peace in my heart and love, and I am concerned for others, and even pray for my 'enemies'.

The only way to have this peace is to surrender your life sincerely to God: 'Lord, I am sorry for the things I have done wrong. Please forgive me. Help me to love those who hurt me and annoy me. I can leave this to you because I know that you can deliver me.'

I hope you, the reader, can have this experience for yourself. God is real and I know it. He changed my life from fear and bitterness to joy and peace.

Nancy Fisher tells her story

Nervous breakdown

Christianity

Finding peace

Nancy Fisher

Main Articles

Other articles