Long, daunting path

I began to study with Jehovah's Witnesses when I was only seven years old and finally became devout when I was 18. Immediately following my baptism, I became a Pioneer.

The maternal side of my family was deeply involved, but my father and his family never became a part of Jehovah's Witnesses, for which I am very grateful. I resigned from the JWs by sending a nine-page letter of disassociation to the elders in 1990 when I was 27.

Those of you who have been Witnesses will already know the nightmare associated with leaving the JW organisation. The fear and trauma of life without the familiar settings of the organisation is overwhelming and consuming.

Shunned by the family

My grandmother died following a fall in the Kingdom Hall, which led to complications. She was born in 1914 and didn't believe that she would ever die. I was forbidden to see her again after I left the movement. Her funeral felt like my own with the coldness and shunning of other family members and friends. You know the procedure; they ignore you like you are the one who has died! The elders told my mother to let me know that I was not allowed to get into the family funeral cars or attend the gathering at my grandmother's house after the funeral. Despite these orders, I did get in the family car (after the funeral) and went to the gathering!

Altering the Bible

I began my battle with Watchtower doctrine early in 1988, when I discovered the Governing Body had deliberately altered key biblical texts to support some of their major beliefs. If they had not altered these texts, hardly any of the major doctrines could be supported by Scripture!! Still, I felt that I could not leave the Watchtower at that time, as I thought there was nowhere else to go.

In 1988, two years before I left the Watchtower, a friend of mine in Ireland sent me two books: Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and Thus Saith the Governing Body by Randall Watters. At first, I threw the books outside, as I was scared to even have them in the house. Eventually, I picked up the courage to read them. I knew that I was breaking the rules by reading them, so I actually confessed to an elder telling him about my crimes. I thought that we could just have a private chat, but instead soon found myself sitting before the Judicial Committee.

This was the most frightening experience of my life. I could not imagine living life outside in the world, the threat of being disfellowshipped was depressing to say the least. Thankfully (in my mind at the time), they did not disfellowship me, but rather placed me on probation. As crazy as it sounds, I was relieved by their kindness and was appreciative!! Probation meant that I was not allowed to answer up or say a prayer at any meeting, carry microphones around the Kingdom Hall, do car park duty or participate in any other 'privileges'. However, I could still go from door to door and sell the magazines. My probation lasted for six months and when it was up I was taken off probation.

More than co-incidence

Toward the end of 1989, I phoned the regular Pioneers from other Kingdom Halls to arrange to work on the field service with them (I needed to get my hours in and was not getting enough support from my own Kingdom Hall). One Pioneer whom I phoned had just that minute taken an overdose of pills combined with alcohol. It was more than a coincidence that I phoned at the precise moment because I hadn't spoken to the person in over two years! In a panic, I sought immediate help from other Witnesses, the only response I got was 'what an immature thing to do'.

Not one person offered to come up and help this sister who had given up on life. To cut a long story short, she ended up in the hospital and was disfellowshipped within two weeks of the overdose (her 16 year-old Witness brother had committed suicide on the night of the memorial in 1986).

Disfellowshipped

I was appalled by the treatment I saw dished out to someone who was crying out for help. I contacted elders from the other Kingdom Halls asking them to go and sort things out. Everything seemed unfair and uncompassionate. I was sure things had gone overboard. (After the suicide attempt, the sister had gone before a judicial committee and sat for four hours before 'the gods'. In a state of anguish, she stood up screaming and stormed out of the meeting. Needless to say that she was disfellowshipped. The elders from the other Kingdom Halls were no help and in fact told me to 'butt out' of this situation or otherwise, I, too, would be disfellowshipped. I said that I would love to 'butt out' of this situation, but I had to know that they would personally take this case on and see that justice was done for the sake of the 'lost sheep' who was suicidal.

Instead of sorting things out, they came to sort me out. I got the shepherding calls and Watchtower articles on the Witness attitude toward those who had been disfellowshipped. They insisted I read the society's literature again and to help me along, they brought the 'United in Worship' book and started a weekly 'Bible study' with me. I had read the book twice in studies and several times in personal study. I also conducted nine Bible studies, so I knew the book from back to front. I could not see the point of reading it again; however, to keep the peace, I submitted. They basically forced me to agree to shun the disfellowshipped. I asked for Scriptural support in shunning someone who was evidently ill, they showed me the old chestnuts on 'apostates' and 1 Corinthians 5.11. When I protested that the sister did not fit any of these descriptions, they hit the roof, so I shut up.

I fear that if I did not already have doubts about the organisation's doctrines, I would have coldly shunned this regular Pioneer sister just as all the other JWs (including her own family) had done.

Led to saving faith

In the meantime, I wrote to friends in Northern Ireland who had originally sent me Ray's book. I explained a little about the situation and immediately they passed my letter on to former Witnesses Tom and Ella McRae. I almost died of fright! (I thought Ray Franz and the people he mentioned in his book were the only ex-Witnesses in the world).

Without going into the turmoil of it all, Tom and Ella McRae led me to saving faith in the Lord. Before this happened, I remember phoning them at one point to listen to their voices, in case, they sounded like demons! This is how peculiar the mindset of JWs are, we were scared of anyone who had left the organisation.
I have survived the Watchtower, though at times I thought of ending it all due to the stress. I now consider it all worthwhile. The insight we have into cult mind control helps us help others who are in a similar crisis and who are walking that long daunting path out of the cults. I remember often echoing the sentiments of many other Witnesses when I proclaimed, 'there is no life outside the organisation'. I truly believed those words but now I know how wrong I was!
Ironically, the sister who had tried to commit suicide eventually got reinstated and hasn't spoken to me since. Now I am the one who is viewed as an 'evil apostate' and am shunned. However, I am not suicidal and have no cause to be, because I have found true peace in God through His Son Jesus Christ.

My mother finally left the Watchtower in 1997.

The story of a former Jehovah's Witness

Shunned by the family

Altering the Bible

More than co-incidence

Disfellowshipped

Led to saving faith

Peter Stanton

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