Bringing men back to church

We might be tempted to consider male absence a problem beyond the capacity of pastoral strategies to remedy. After all, we may think, it's produced by a tidal wave of cultural forces far beyond our ability to control . . .

Yet pastors can take specific steps to stem the tide; specific strategies will help us keep men in our fellowships. While not exhaustive, here's three that have worked in my own experience.

The first initiative is personal; male pastors must make their personal identity appealing to men by emphasising their own masculinity.

Pastors often seem 'sissified' to the average guy; we tend to be more verbally-oriented than the average man, we work at a desk with books and paper, we have soft hands . . . our image problem isn't new. Back in the early 19th century, Sidney Smith observed: 'The French say there are three sexes - men, women and clergymen.' Soon after arriving at my first church in rural Wisconsin, I had brake problems with my car - problems I discussed with a young man in the congregation. A short time later, word came back to me through his wife that he'd been impressed to learn I knew something about cars. He'd thought all pastors were incompetent when it came to anything mechanical - and was shocked to find I wasn't.

It seems strange that such an insignificant thing should provide an open door for ministry, but it did. Normal men have to worry about nuts and bolts, things like worn-out brake shoes, and they are reassured when they hear their pastor does too.

There are many ways for pastors to encourage their people to think of them as real men. Each pastor will do this in ways suited to his own personality.

Advertising agencies aim their campaigns at specific population groups. The same principle holds true for the church; if we want to attract men to the church so they can be led into spiritual growth, we need to make certain situations or programmes in the church appealing to them. To do this, some of the following tactics might be helpful.

a) Men like to be away from women at times.

It's good to have certain places where the pressures of relating to the opposite sex in a social context are absent.

There are good reasons to provide male-only times within the life of the church. Men have deep spiritual needs but rarely share them openly when there are women around. There are challenges, fears and temptations common to men which aren't common to women, and if we as pastors want our men to grow in these areas, we need to give them an unthreatening context in which to share and 'bear one another's burdens'.

b) Men like to eat.

Mothers used to teach their soon-to-be-married daughters a rule: 'The road to a man's heart goes through his stomach.' The church successfully ministering to men understands this principle.

Some years ago, I got involved in leading a Bible study for high-schoolers. We had a good turnout for a while but then we lost a few of our boys. I learned that another church in the area had begun a weekly youth fellowship programme that our boys were attending. 'But why there, instead of here?' I asked. 'Because they serve the kids pizza each week,' I was told.

c) Men like to get physical.

Studies have shown that mothers and fathers play with their children in different ways; mothers tend towards fantasy play but fathers roughhouse on the living room floor. What does this mean for our churches? We'd do well to provide an outlet for our men and boys to get physical and spiritual at the same time. How about some sport? Or some physical work together?

d) Men want to be challenged.

Don't sell them short or coddle them. I once had the privilege of spending an evening with a veteran pastor who had pastored five churches in his 40 years of ministry, a man respected in his denomination who routinely took dying churches and turned them around.

We were discussing visitation and I was surprised to hear him describe his current visitation programme: he was visiting six to ten homes a week - visits set up in advance for times when he could be sure the fathers would be there, as well as the mothers. During these visits, he would ask such questions as: 'How often do you attend worship? How often do you lead your family in devotions? Do you yourself have a time of Bible reading and prayer each day?'

Why was I surprised? Because just the thought of doing something similar in my church caused my face to blush as I thought of the embarrassed responses I'd get from many of our members. 'In fact,' I told him, 'if I pulled a stunt like that in my church, I might not last much longer as their pastor.'

'You know,' he responded, 'one thing I've learned over the years is that people do what you expect them to do.'

What do we expect from our men? What unique role or function have we given our men which shows them how needed they are at home and in the church?

Jesus called 12 men to follow him and be his disciples, but he didn't just hang out with them; he told them right from the start what his expectations were: 'Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.' (Matthew 4.19).

Jesus didn't say to his disciples: 'Meet me here every week at 11.00 am sharp and I'll teach you for an hour.' No, he spent a significant amount of time - three solid years - living, loving, working, crying, eating, drinking and walking with the 12, and this constituted his leadership and teaching style. When he ascended into heaven, he left them an eternally important worldwide responsibility: 'Go ye into all the world to preach the gospel . . .' (Mark 16.15). He challenged them at every step while he was with them, and then he expected them to be leaders. This was their role.

There is a tendency in the church today - closely related to a tendency in our culture at large - to expect too little from people.

The ideological climate of our day is one that renders certain of the challenges we face unique, without historical precedent. One Sunday, I was preaching on a Scripture passage which emphasised spiritual warfare. The sermon ended with a call for all of us to fight for the Lord, to be faithful warriors, to strive for the kingdom without fear and to boldly oppose the forces of darkness. The closing hymn was 'Onward Christian Soldiers'.

Later that week, a leader in the church told me that as soon as the hymn was announced, one of the older women had exclaimed to those sitting in her general vicinity: 'I hate this song!'

This wasn't a total surprise to me; earlier that week when I was getting the order of worship together, I had hesitated choosing this particular hymn, knowing there were probably some who thought it was sub-Christian. 'But,' I thought to myself, 'is this kind of language and imagery biblical or isn't it? That's the question. And if it is biblical, how can I justify being ashamed and keeping it out of our worship?'

Not only is this theme a divine one, but bold statements concerning the war which is waged for souls appeal to the male understanding of spiritual reality, just as the male relates positively to other forms of competition and conflict. It's not accidental that many of the adverts aimed at men appear in the sports section of the newspaper. So the loss of such themes from the church would be another setback for men because it would remove another point of reference which is distinctly masculine.

The constant pressure our generation faces, calling for the removal of the language of battle from the house of God, is nothing less than the emasculation of our liturgy. We must resist it. God's revelation is trustworthy, not just in principles but also in imagery and metaphors.

Years ago as a young pastor, I received a piece of advice from an older pastoral leader for whom I had the utmost respect - my father. His advice was: 'Go for the men and the women will follow.' Through the years, I've often thought how wise his advice was.

If we want our churches to restore men to active roles in congregational life, we must make them a top priority in our pastoral care. In most cases, we needn't worry that such an emphasis in our ministry will cause the women to fall away. Think of how many women attend church without their husbands, but how very few men attend church without their wives. This is a lopsided problem, making the side which needs attention quite clear.

Count the cost

We've looked at some tactics and strategies to bring the men back to church, but before implementing changes, we must recognise that certain costs are involved. The Western world is polarised over a number of issues, such as abortion, day care, parental leave, and sodomy. Each of these issues centres on what can be broadly referred to as our understanding of sexuality. Sexuality is a volatile issue, and initiatives to bring men back to church can quickly bring out conflicting views that are held with great fervour. It's wise to be prepared for a backlash, and to count the cost before proceeding.

This brings us back to Jesus though. Was our Lord afraid of conflict? Did he only lead in directions which would be well received? Hardly.

To appeal to men and to challenge them to follow your leadership, just as Jesus challenged his disciples, will require boldness and courage. We'll need to anticipate adversity and it won't come only from those who feel too much time is being given to the men of the church; it will also come from the men in whom we are investing ourselves as we see them fail - at times horrendously. But Jesus' disciples also failed in some horrendous ways.

Major changes - wherever they occur - are fraught with danger. But: 'Faint heart ne'er won a lady fair.' I've grown attached to that saying as it applies to the pastorate.

CBMW Executive Director Tim Bayly also serves as pastor of the Church of the Good Shepherd in Bloomington, Indiana, USA.

Reprinted from the Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, with permission.

Bringing men back to church

Suggestions and strategies on how to get men back into church (reprinted from The Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)

b) Men like to eat.

c) Men like to get physical.

d) Men want to be challenged.

Count the cost

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